The Fights of a Teenager - Depression

As most of you guys can tell, I have been away from my blog for quite a long time and it's not because I've fallen out of love with blogging or reading, it's because I have relapsed. Again. Back in 2013 I was diagnosed with Severe Depression after a long stint on bullying.

Since 2012 I've been battling with Depression, but it took me a year to finally go and see the doctor who could officially diagnose me. And while I not always down and glum, I still feel different on the inside.

A few weeks ago, I did something that changed my whole world again. I began to get suicidal thoughts and just wanted to throw it all away. My family. My friends. But most importantly, my life. Attempting suicide isn't new to me, back when I first came out I tried to commit suicide twice before finally telling my parents that something was wrong with me. And while I have changed over the years, everything felt the same. I felt like I was back to my 16 year old self, who had no confidence, hardly any friends and was just in a hard place. I didn't see a way out and while I feel like I can talk to my family, friends, you guys, I just didn't want too.

My life has always been hard. It's not like it's scarce. But when you're dealing with suicidal thoughts everything bleeds away and you find yourself trapped in your own mind. My life became my death and I hated that. But I can't force myself to get better, just like a drug addict can't force themselves to get off the drugs. It has to happen naturally.

"Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad."

Right now I am not 100% myself.

I took time off to get better, but I've only gotten worse. I'm still active on facebook, twitter and instagram but that is it. I don't really talk, it's just an update here and there and I feel like it's time you guys got to know why.

At the minute I'm still on my break and sadly will be for another 2 weeks, but someone from Hodder publicity got in contact with me asking for my review of a book they sent me. A book I've read and have yet to review because of my break. And while I feel like I should review that book ASAP, I also feel that I need to focus on my own life and get better all round.

Being a reviewer for such amazing publishers is something that I can only thank you guys for, and I have every bit of respect for the publishers and the people who work there, however, it would be nice to have my life taken into consideration. My review policy states it can take up to 4 weeks to get a review on the blog and that's not changed since I've started. So, yes, I will get the review up of the books I was sent, but they'll be uploaded when I am back from my break.

If I come back from my break.

I'm not crying out for attention. I never have and I never will. Who I am is who I am, and I love myself. Nothing can stop me, but Depression is a life long battle, one that I will continue to fight while you all live your lives.

I hope you take into consideration that I am trying my hardest to recover and get back up on my feet and that I won't be not reviewing the books I've been sent. They will get a review at some point.

Now, have a good week and I'll talk when I'm back.

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